Adam

It is hard to find the words to write this post. But Adam is gone. It was Sunday morning. I was on the treadmill exercising when Chrissi called. She asked me what I was doing and then said I'll call you back. A minute or so later, my dad called. He said, "Amanda, something has happened. I need you to come and get Jax and Ronin." I don't remember the rest of the conversation because it is all a blur but Adam had taken his own life. I think I remember screaming. I think I said something to John. And then I ran out of the house screaming. Linda Faye was standing there waiting for me. Standing beside her vehicle. Waiting. Because she already knew. I remember screaming something on the phone to Chrissi to meet me at my mom's house and take my kids. I remember she and Wendy took care of them. I felt like I was going to throw up all the way to Grenada. Maybe I did. It's all blur. A blur that came to a resounding but brutal clarity while sitting at the dining room table at Mark's house. He walked in and confirmed that Adam was gone. I don't know how this will ever not hurt. I can only say that I lose my breath when I think about it. Literally. Lisa died in January and now we have lost her first son, Adam. Pray. Pray for Mark, and for Adam's brothers, Zach and Caleb. Just pray.